Often we want things. There are things that we want really, really, bad (e.g., that new car, a husband/wife, pizza....), and things that we only sort of want (e.g., a new shirt, that cute purse, more pizza....) A lot of times in life we think "If only I had that, I'd be happy." Or that getting that thing will make our lives better, make us more satisfied, better people, etc. Or maybe we just want it because so-and-so has it and so-and-so is oh-so-cool. Then we get it. And we never want anything else, right?
Our desire for stuff is based on just that, desire. We want things. Be they material or immaterial, we simply want them. Reasons for wanting them range across the board. Sometimes we just think it's neat or it could be as serious as being symptomatic of some serious psychological issue (e.g., anorexia.) But the common thread behind all these things is desire.
Now, the Buddhists have a key tenet in their belief system that states that the root of all human suffering is desire. Now, I'm not Buddhist, I don't agree with their theology and I don't think that tenet is completely true, but I do agree with it to an extent. In the past I felt myself often unsatisfied with my life. Things were missing. I didn't have a wife, and it seemed like most of my friends were getting married. I hadn't published much in the way of research. I didn't have that nice career I always wanted. I was still stuck in school for what seemed like an eternity to go yet. I realized that I was unsatisfied because I wanted these things and saw I did not have them. Circumstances being what they were for me at the time, I simply could not afford the vast majority of the material things I wanted, and God didn't seem to be letting up on not giving me the non-material things I wanted. After a while I read through the book of Ecclesiastes, and did some thinking, I realized that at the root of my dissatisfaction was my desire. I wanted things pretty bad, was upset/depressed that I didn't have them, which made me want them more, which made me more upset/depressed, and so on and so forth, in a near-endless cycle. Then I thought to myself "Wouldn't it be great if I could just be satisfied with what I have and where I am now; then I wouldn't be so miserable all the time."
By wanting things, we become dissatisfied. By becoming dissatisfied, we want thing more or more things. By wanting them more, we become more dissatisfied. This is increasingly true the less you have. The less you have, the more there is for you to want. Advertising has manipulated this for probably countless centuries. It's the backbone of their industry. In a material-focused world (especially the Western hemisphere, though also increasingly the Eastern one as well), this tends to get magnified even more. But if we could greatly lessen or eliminate this wanting, we would never experience that dissatisfaction.
The second part of it is that desire is a well. A bottomless well at that. We throw things we get into it, hoping to fill it, but they just fall and fall, and disappearing from sight. That is, we get something we want (car, job, respect), and it will satisfy that urge for a while, but then it comes back. We want something else. We see something new, that thing we got simply get old/boring (or breaks or is lost, etc.), another desire gets moved to the forefront, and we want something else that we don't have. There that thing we got goes down the well, and out of sight, as if it never had existed. And so it goes, our whole lives.
This is why it is never true that "if I just had this, I'd be happy." Because it'll only make you happy for a short while, and then you're back to wanting again.
There's a neurological basis for this. When you get something new, some neat new thing, or just satisfy the urge, it triggers a satisfaction/pleasure response. Endorphins pump, you feel good, and all is well. But eventually the brain either gets used to that endorphin level or simply slows the flow to nothing. But your brain likes that rush of endorphins. It wants more. It also knows that if you satisfy some desire, it'll get it again. And so you get the drive to satisfy a desire again. It never ends.
I discovered a while ago that it really isn't the getting the thing that's the fun part, it's the wanting, the anticipation. I noticed that the joy/satisfaction of obtaining something lasted for a little while, but faded before not too long, but the anticipation and eagerness to get it, that lasted as long as it took to get whatever it was my desire longed after. Which could last a good long while. So, I took satisfaction in knowing that it was more fun to want than to get. I could turn my desire against itself, sort of, and have it be enough to simply want something, rather than getting it.
Of course, if you are never going to be satisfied by getting things, why even bother obtaining things at all? You get them, you get a buzz, and then you're just left wanting again. The things inevitably end up on a shelf collecting dust or in storage until they're lost/stolen/given away/sold. All material things you get end up the same: as things that just take up space, neglected, and is just one more thing you have to move when you move. Of course, moving about every six months to a year as I have been for nearly a decade now, I was always acutely aware of this last fact.
So, I concluded, if all my possessions meet the same end (just taking up space and collecting dust) and just make moving more difficult for me, what's the point of having them? If wanting them is more fun than obtaining them, what's the point of getting them? And what is the point of desiring them if all it accomplishes is to make me miserable?
Now, I'm not saying we should banish all desire. Desire can act as a good motivational tool and directional guide for things like career, fitness, etc. Just keep in mind that these follow the above illustrated pattern with material objects, it simply occurs over much longer durations. If you desire certain career goals, what happens after you obtain them? What happens if you end up in a place where you can never achieve them? It can also be fun to want some things, like a movie, or a sandwich, etc. But what I'm talking about is too much desire. Minor desire is okay. Just as long as it's kept at a low level where your being okay with not having it still greater than your wanting it.
I'm convinced that most everything in life and nature can be described by that pesky little inequality symbol in math ( > ). What driving factors/effects/factors are on one side versus the other will determine what happens. In this case, the "equation" would be (desire>satisfaction with non-possession) --> misery, (desire
After all this, though, I realized that God never failed to satisfy me. Now, this wasn't just some passive, general state of constantly not wanting something. But what I got from Him after wanting Him and what He could give me (most of what I want from Him involves intellectual stuff and curiosity of reality and the way things are and mysteries of the world and universe, just to clarify....) continued to satisfy. Didn't stop. Yes I wanted more, but He never failed to fulfill it, which did leave me wanting more, but knowing He would provide and being drawn closer to Him. In essence, it was the type of desire fulfillment we all look to other things to have, and try to fulfill with other things. It's been weird to experience and is hard to explain, but I can honestly say that God has been the one thing that's actually left me fulfilled and filled me up. He's essentially freed me from my desire and the terrible cycle it causes. But anywho, I digest, 'tis time for me to go to bed....
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